Demons of the Past
by criminalxxxmindsxxxfreak
Summary: Reid has trouble accepting the memories that resufaced under hypnosis, luckily, Morgan is there to help him through it and he's not letting Reid go down that dark road alone. No slash. Mentions of child molestation. Sequel to "The Eyes of a Monster"
1. Good News

**A/N: Yay! Sequel! :) Well, this story isn't completely written out yet (I'm all the way up to chapter 6 though!) so I might not update as fast as normal, and I'm also still working of "Vengeance Is Sweet" (thanks again to everyone who's reviewed that) But I simply couldn't stay away from this story. I just really liked how it turned out, and so here it is, the first chapter of "Demons of the Past"**

**WARNING: there will be mentions of child molestation in this story as well, just not as often and not very graphic. Also, somewhere along the lines there will be spoilers for "Memoriam", "Profiler, Profiled" and possibly spoilers for "Revelations" but I'm not 100% sure yet...**

"_It has been said, 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." _-Rose Kennedy

Ch. 1: Good News

Reid leaned his head back against the seat as Morgan sped off toward the hospital. He would've closed his eyes, but he was too nervous about JJ going into labor to do that. And he was too scared of what he might see if he allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

They had gotten the call from Garcia that JJ had gone into labor a little more than an hour after William Reid had confessed to the rape and murder of six year old Riley Jenkins. Along with that news, Reid had had to deal with the fact that Riley wasn't his father's only victim. But he couldn't deal with that right now. Right now, JJ needed him. She had just had a baby and probably wouldn't want to see him depressed.

Besides, he needed the distraction anyway. It was the first good news he'd gotten in days. He was dreading having to deal with telling the rest of the team what he, Morgan and Rossi had learned. They hadn't had much of a chance to talk when Garcia hurriedly explained that they were rushing JJ to the hospital. And nobody had bothered to call them after Reid had first found out the truth during his hypnosis session…

That was one thing he was glad he didn't have to deal with at the moment. All the looks of pity and worry and sympathy that they would eventually throw on him. It was bad enough coming from Rossi and Morgan.

* * *

The hospital room was crowded when they entered. Hotch, Prentiss, Garcia, and Will all stood around JJ's bed. They spotted Jordan standing outside, looking awkward and out of place. "Hey," she said with a half smile on her face as they approached.

"Jordan," Morgan smiled for the first time in days. "What are you doing here?"

She shrugged, "Well, it was getting late, the office was empty and… I didn't really have anything else to do, so I came here. I figured JJ wouldn't mind…" she trailed off, glancing back towards the room.

"But you're standing outside?" Morgan asked, frowning again.

"I guess I felt kind of awkward in there." Jordan said. "So how did the, uh, case go?" she asked. She still wasn't entirely sure off all the facts. All she really knew was that a little boy had been murdered and, apparently, they believed Dr. Reid's father had been the killer. She couldn't imagine how hard that must be to deal with.

"We, uh, we got a confession," Morgan answered slowly.

Jordan frowned, about to ask who confessed when her phone rang and she sighed, "I gotta go." she said. "I guess I'll see you at the office," She turned and hurried down the hospital hallway, phone to her ear.

Morgan watched her go before turning and saying, "Well, I'm pretty sure we're not doing much standing out here,"

Rossi nodded and he and Morgan entered the hospital room. Reid remained outside, nervous. He wasn't quite ready to face his team… he knew that at the moment, they didn't know everything that had happened while they were in Vegas, but somehow, he couldn't help but feel that sickening twisting in his stomach. What would they think when they found out?

The logical part of his mind told him that they would be worried about him, that they would feel terrible about what had happened. But also that they would be there for him, no matter what it took to help him through this. The other, less rational, more emotional part of his brain told him that they would view him as less of a person, think he wasn't strong enough to do the job any more…

That was stupid, he told himself. They were his friends. They would never think something so ridiculous. Steeling himself against the tidal wave of nervousness, he entered the hospital room, knocking tentatively on the door.

"Is there room for one more?" he asked.

All talking in the room ceased for a moment as every set of eyes turned to him. Morgan and Rossi were the only two who looked at him with such an intensive amount of pity and - in Morgan's case - empathy that it made him uncomfortable, but everyone still looked at him like he'd just been shot…

JJ smiled at him from where she sat on the bed, holding a tiny baby boy in her arms. Reid remembered hearing Garcia tell Rossi on the phone that the baby's name was Henry. "Hey, Spence." she smiled.

His returned smile wasn't nearly as bright as normal, which made JJ sad. What had happened? She watched him carefully, wondering if she should tell him now or not. The broken look in his eyes was all the answer she needed. He deserved some good news for a change.

She glanced up at Will and he nodded, looking around the room purposefully and suggesting that they all go get some coffee. Everyone immediately understanding, followed him out of the room leaving JJ and baby Henry alone with Reid.

Nervously, Reid walked closer to the bed and stared down at JJ's baby, a small smile creeping across his face. It was good to be reminded that there were still things to celebrate in this world.

"Do you want to hold him?" JJ asked, seeing a small spark of happiness light Reid's eyes as he gazed down at Henry. She was still trying to figure out how to tell him…

Reid looked up at her, surprised by the offer. Flattered really. He nodded slowly, and gently, with JJ's help, lifted the tiny little boy in his hands, holding him awkwardly. "Watch his head," JJ cautioned, smiling as her friend grinned down at the baby.

Taking a deep breath, looking around the room, she glanced back at Reid, his large brown eyes seemed so sad, so lost… "I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something, but… it can wait if…"

Reid frowned, looking back at her. "What is it?" he asked, thinking that something was wrong. Why else would JJ sound so nervous?

She smiled, "Well, Will and I were talking and … we want you to be Henry's godfather."

Reid blinked, completely taken by surprise. Godfather? Him? "I… I don't even…" he shook his head. Then his mind wandered back to his father and he fought back a shudder. "Of course." he said, resolutely. "I… mean, wow. Really?"

JJ laughed, "Yes, Spence, really." she smiled, glad to see some semblance of the Reid she knew and loved, "If anything happens to me and Will it's up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy gets into Yale."

Reid laughed, "Yale?" he said, turning back to the tiny baby in his arms. "You want to go to Yale, Henry? That was your godfather's safety school." Grinning, he leaned closer, whispering, "Don't worry, I can get you into CalTech with one phone call."

JJ smiled, glad now that she had told him. The smile on his face wasn't quite as bright as usual, but it was far better than the broken look he'd had when he first entered the hospital room.

After a few more moments, Reid gently handed Henry back to JJ and pulled a chair up next to the bed, a small smile still in place. It wasn't long before the baby had fallen asleep.

JJ studied her friend's face, seeing the emptiness in his eyes. She felt guilty for not asking what had happened yet. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know, but still, as his friend, she should ask. But maybe he didn't want to talk about it…

Reid, feeling JJ's eyes on him, looked around the room nervously again. "I wonder what's taking the others so long…" he asked nervously.

Sighing, JJ looked down at her new baby and back to Reid. "Probably just celebrating the good news," she said. "You don't have to stay here, you know. You can go join them."

"I don't want to leave you here alone though," Reid protested.

"I won't be alone." JJ said, nodding down at Henry, "I've got Henry with me."

Reid shrugged, "I think I'll stay here for a little while longer," he said. "If you don't mind."

JJ smiled, "Of course I don't mind, Spence." she said, hating the sad look in her friend's eyes. A few minutes of silence later and she simply couldn't stand it any longer. She had to know if he was going to be okay or not. "So, um, what happened with the case?" she asked. "Morgan and Rossi didn't really explain anything when Garcia called them."

Reid looked away from her, "Uh… we got a confession. My dad… he was Riley's killer."

JJ looked up at her friend, her blue eyes wide, "Oh, Spence…" she said, hating what this must be doing to him.

Reid shook his head, standing up, "I don't really want to talk about it." he said quickly, "I'll uh, see you later, JJ. I think I'm going to head home now. I haven't slept in my own bed in a while, you know?"

JJ sighed and nodded. "Yeah, ok." she said, hating herself for bringing it up. She hadn't wanted to remind him of any bad memories. She watched, disappointed and guilty, as Reid hurried out the room and down the hall.


	2. Concerned Friends

**A/N: Thanks soooo much to everyone who reviewed and/or added this to story altert and favorite :) I'm so glad people are liking this!**

**WARNING: spoliers for "Memoriam" and "Profiler, Profiled" along with mentions of child molestation will be coming up... just not too in this chapter I don't think...**

**please review! :)**

Ch. 2: Concerned Friends

Morgan and Hotch were the first to return to JJ's room. Hotch was desperately curious about what had happened while they were in Las Vegas, but he didn't really want to ask. Besides, he had a feeling Morgan would just tell him that he should ask Reid first. Which he intended to do once they got back to JJ's room.

A frown settled over his face when he realized that he wasn't there. "Where's Reid?" Hotch asked, looking around the room.

"He left a few minutes ago… I think I upset him," she trailed off, looking down at Henry.

"What do you mean?" Hotch asked, sitting down in Reid's abandoned chair.

"Well, I asked him how the case went, you know, with his father and everything… he said his dad confessed and then he just got up and said he didn't want to talk about it. I shouldn't have brought it up." she looked up at Hotch apologetically. "I just wanted to know what happened. He looked so sad…"

Morgan sighed and shook his head, "JJ, it's not your fault. A lot happened while we were in Vegas… Reid's just trying to process it all. You didn't do anything wrong."

She sighed and looked back down at Henry, shaking her head. "Still, I knew he probably didn't want to talk about it and I brought it up…"

Hotch put one of his hands over one of JJ's in a very rare moment of physical comfort and shook his head, "Morgan's right, JJ. You didn't upset him; it's not your fault."

She just shrugged off his reassurances, clearly blaming herself. No one was going to change her mind about this until Reid himself told her differently. Hotch looked up at Morgan who was standing farther away from the bed than he had been moments before, staring off into space. "Morgan, what exactly happened while you, Rossi and Reid were in Vegas?"

Morgan pressed his lips together, clearly not wanting to talk about the events any more than Reid had… "I really think Reid should be the one to tell you about it." he answered.

"Tell us about what?" Prentiss asked as she, Garcia and Will returned. Rossi wasn't far behind them.

"What happened in Vegas," Hotch answered her question, still looking intently at Morgan.

Rossi, too, suddenly look uncomfortable, thinking that it would've been better if Reid were the one to tell them… but he also realized how difficult it would be for the young genius to talk about those painful memories.

"Do you really think that Reid'll want to tell them?" Rossi asked, looking at Morgan.

"Probably not, but still… he should be the one to do it if he wants them to know." Morgan answered, remembering exactly how hard he'd worked to keep his own, similar secret from the team even when it had been the only way that he could get out of murder charges.

"Wants us to know what?" Garcia asked, looking between Rossi and Morgan. What had happened to her sweet baby boy?

The two profilers looked at each other, knowing two things. Reid wouldn't want to tell them, to talk about those memories, and that there was no way he'd be able to keep it from the rest of the team no matter how hard he tried.

"A lot happened in Vegas," Rossi began. "And while I agree that Reid _should _be the one to tell you, he probably doesn't want to relive it."

"Relive what?" Prentiss demanded, getting impatient. What had happened to Reid? Had his dad killed that little boy? She didn't really want to believe that, and the evidence that they'd found on the computer supported William's innocence, but what else could it be?

Morgan nodded, knowing Rossi was right. Trouble was, he didn't want to tell the team any more than Reid wanted to… but he knew it was something that had to be done. "After we talked to you about what Garcia found searching through Reid's father's computer, Reid… he figured that maybe he could get his nightmare about Riley to make more sense if he… if he went to a hypnotist, you know?"

Hotch nodded, already not liking where this was going… he could tell, just from the look on Morgan's face and the tone of his voice, that something terrible had happened during that hypnosis session… and he had a sick suspicion that he knew what had happened. He just hoped that he was wrong…

"And it… it worked," Morgan continued, looking away from the rest of the team. He felt bad about what he was about to tell them. They were Reid's friends too, though, and they were only concerned about him. They wanted to know and they wanted to help. And Reid wouldn't want to be the one to tell them… still, he felt like he was somehow betraying Reid by telling them.

"He remembered… he remembered why he thought Riley had been murdered by his father. And he remembered why his dad, ultimately, left him and his mother…" Taking a deep breath, Morgan reminded himself again that they would eventually learn all of this… "He remembered that his dad molested him."

Garcia's hand flew to her mouth in a silent gasp of horror. The room was silent for what felt like an eternity as the rest of the team - and Will - digested the information. How could that be possible? Hadn't Reid been through enough in his life? Why did he have to deal with this too? It simply couldn't be true. It wasn't fair…

"You're not serious?" Prentiss asked incredulously. How could something like that happen, to Reid of all people? It simply wasn't right.

Morgan just nodded sadly, feeling incredibly guilty about he'd just told them. He knew Reid wouldn't hate him for telling the team what they'd learned, but it didn't stop him from hating himself.

JJ looked like she was fighting back tears as she gazed up at Will and back down at Henry, still sleeping in her arms. How could Reid's father do that to him? He was so innocent and so sweet... he didn't deserve that. No one deserved that.

Hotch's jaw tightened. He had been right. He hated that he had been right, but that wasn't going to change the fact that he was. He wished that it weren't true, wished that there was some way he could've stopped this from happening... he knew it was illogical and irrational, but Reid was like a son to him and the thought that someone could that to him... it was almost unbearable. He'd felt similar emotions when the team had found out that Morgan had been molested as a child too.

Garcia couldn't even think. She couldn't speak. Reid's father really had been the disgusting, slimy monster that Reid had thought he was. She had hoped beyond hope that for once in his life Reid had been wrong and now she found out that not only was he right, but he was also one of the victims. How could someone do something so terrible to her sweet baby boy? It wasn't right. It wasn't fair.

* * *

Reid leaned against the front door of his house, breathing a sigh of relief. Home. He felt safe here. Apart from the rest of the team and the world. Every time he felt someone's eyes on him he was convinced that they could read his thoughts, that they somehow _knew _every horrid memory that was racing through his mind.

He knew that after his abrupt exit, JJ had been left to wonder what was wrong. Once the others returned to the room she and the rest of the team would probably convince Rossi and Morgan to tell them what had happened… He was somewhat grateful that he wouldn't be there when they found out. Their sympathetic looks of pity were something that he wasn't sure he could deal with at the moment.

Taking a deep breath, he dropped his keys into a bowl on the coffee table and sank down onto the couch. He was tired, but still scared to go to sleep. He didn't want to have that nightmare again. He was both glad that Morgan had been there the first time to pull him out of the terrible dream and mortified that the older man had once again seen him so vulnerable and scared over a stupid nightmare.

He reached for the remote and turned on the TV, searching for some documentary or science show that would distract him from the memories and the fears that were bouncing around in his mind. Finally settling on some special on the Discovery Channel, he leaned back against the couch and tried to focus on the narrator's words.

After ten minutes, the words began to fade into the background as the memories continued to bombard him. He tried, desperately, to push them to the back of his mind, to simply not think about it. To forget… But, damn his eidetic memory, every detail was so clear in his mind that he couldn't make the memories fade even slightly.

Leaning forward, Reid put his head in his hands, closing his eyes, desperately trying to fight the fear and shame and anger that was raging through him… And finally, it was simply too much. For the first time since he'd learned what kind of a monster his father truly was, Reid allowed himself to break down.

The emotional shield he'd forced up to protect himself cracked and tears leaked from his eyes as sobs began to wrack his body… Why was this happening? Why had his father done this to him? Why hadn't he tried harder to stop him? So many 'what ifs' and 'whys' ran through his mind all at once, but there was only one thing he knew for sure. It wasn't fair.


	3. Reassurances

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews! :) I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, I swear I meant to... but unfortunately, I was trapped with my family for two days with no cell service or internet... I had fun, but still... anyway...**

**WARNING: once again, there are spoilers in this story for "Memoriam", "Profiler, Profiled" and, eventually, "Revelations" also contains semi/nongraphic mentions of child molestation...**

**please review!**

Ch. 3: Reassurances

Reid was early for work the next morning, unable to ever really fall asleep because of the images and memories that he saw every time he closed his eyes - and sometimes even when he didn't close his eyes. The only person there besides him was Hotch, which wasn't much of a surprise to Reid. Ever since Hotch and Haley had separated, he'd been logging more and more hours at work so that he didn't have to spend all that extra time in an empty house wishing he could somehow make things right.

Hotch noticed when Reid entered and sighed heavily. While it wasn't unusual for Reid to be a little early for work, this day Hotch knew that the reason was far more than just a little too much caffeine and a restless night. Knowing that the conversation was going be uncomfortable, Hotch stood and walked slowly to Reid's desk.

Reid didn't even look up when Hotch approached, even though he knew he was there. He also knew, from the way Hotch lingered behind him, that Morgan and Rossi had told the team - or at least Hotch - what his father had done to him. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation.

"Reid," Hotch spoke up finally, once he realized it was pointless to wait and see if Reid would speak first.

Reid looked up at his boss, laying the paper work aside. He hated the look of pity and worry that Hotch was giving him. It was rare for him to ever show emotion, even a smile - especially lately - seemed to be a strain for him. But when one of his team was hurt or in trouble, there was a barely detectable vulnerability in Hotch's eyes and an irrational guilt, as if he somehow should've been able to prevent bad things from happening to the people he considered family.

"Yeah, Hotch?" Reid asked, looking away from Hotch's eyes.

"Morgan and Rossi… told us about your father," Hotch began slowly, not quite sure what to say to young man. He couldn't really ever fully understand the emotions and pain that someone in Reid's situation must be feeling. But he could at least let him know that he wasn't alone. He had friends who wanted to help him, who _would _help him.

"If you wanted to take some time off, to clear your head, you know you can, Reid." Hotch informed him. "No one would think any less of you."

Reid looked down at his hands before responding, still afraid to really look Hotch in the eyes. "I honestly don't think I could do that," he said. "I'd probably go crazy without something to do. This job is really… the only distraction I have. And I _need_ that right now, Hotch."

Hotch nodded, understanding. "Alright…" he turned in the direction of his office, then paused, "And Reid - if you ever need anything, you know we're here for you, right? All of us?"

Reid looked up, surprised by the statement. He knew it was true, but to hear it from Hotch was strange. Hotch, who wasn't exactly the emotional type of person who would sit and listen to personal problems all day. Not that Hotch wasn't a good person or a good friend; when he was needed he was there and he would never let one of the team hurt if he could help it, but still, he wasn't the kind of person to talk about feelings and emotions with others.

He nodded slowly, "I know." he said quietly before turning back to his paper work. Today wasn't going to be easy, that was for sure.

* * *

Morgan woke up late that morning, not getting very much sleep. It had been a while since he'd had a nightmare about his job, and last night's had been particularly terrifying because it had been about Reid. He was tired of feeling like no matter what he did, he simply couldn't protect his friend - a man he considered to be a brother. Determined to at least be there for Reid now, he got dressed and headed to work.

* * *

The bullpen was empty when he got there. He spotted Prentiss and Jordan talking quietly in JJ's office and Garcia hadn't shown up yet. Hotch and Rossi were both locked in their offices. Reid sat at his desk looking completely helpless and alone. It struck Morgan then that Reid always looked that way. Like a child who couldn't fight the bullies off by himself.

Resolutely, Morgan made his way to his friend and sat down across from him at his own desk. "Hey, kid." Morgan said, trying not to sound as depressed as he felt. "You ok?"

Reid shrugged, "I don't know." he said. "It still doesn't… it still doesn't feel real, you know? I keep thinking, if I could just wake up, this nightmare would be over. Is that strange?"

Morgan shook his head, "No, not really. I used to think - to pray - the same thing. I would go to sleep at night thinking, 'maybe in the morning, this will all have been some twisted nightmare,' but then I'd always wake up and it was still real, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise."

Reid sighed, looking back down at his hands. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Anything to not look into his friends' eyes. Prentiss had immediately walked over to him and reassured him that she was there for him if he needed her as soon as she got to work that morning. He'd basically repeated the same things to her that he'd said to Hotch, and didn't really look her in the eye. Rossi had looked like he wanted to say something to him when he arrived, maybe an apology, but Reid wasn't really sure what for… he hadn't done anything to him.

Whatever the case, Rossi apparently thought better of it and had been locked in his office ever since. Reid was thankful that the man hadn't decided to talk to him. He was already drained from Prentiss and Hotch. He dreaded seeing Garcia…

Sensing that Reid wasn't really in the mood to talk, Morgan reached over and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before turning his attention to his own paper work, making a mental note to keep an eye on Reid, just in case.

* * *

Garcia bustled into the BAU weighted down with her heavy bag. Her eyes were rimmed with red from where she had been crying - for Reid, of course. She'd tried to cover the puffiness with make-up, but she wasn't sure that she'd done such a good job. She saw Morgan and Reid sitting at their desks doing paper work. Prentiss was talking with Jordan, and Hotch and Rossi were being their typical, reclusive selves.

Taking a deep breath, she hurried over to where Reid was sitting. She knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't like the attention, but he knew her well enough to know that there was no way she could just sit and do nothing when she knew that her baby was hurting.

Unlike the others, she wasted no time hesitating, wondering what to say. She didn't say anything. She just walked up to his desk and sat her bag down on the floor before wrapping Reid into a warm hug and fighting back the tears that she'd only recently gotten rid of.

Reid stiffened for a moment, shocked. "Garcia…?" he asked, his voice tight. He could hardly breath in her tight embrace.

She pulled away from him and looked into his eyes, "I am so sorry," she said, her voice quavering. He looked away from her eyes, hating the pained, teary look she was giving him. She wasn't going to have that. Gently, she placed her hand under his chin and lifted his head back up. "Reid, look at me." she said sternly, the way a mother would. "We are all here for you. I'm sure everyone else has already told you that, but I'm reiterating it now. No matter what time it is, if you need to talk, you can call me, okay? I will be at your house in a flash…" She looked away from him for a moment, digging in her bag and pulling out a small tin. "I made these last night since I couldn't sleep. I made a batch for you, and one for JJ and Will. I'm pretty sure it doesn't exactly do much, but I just had to do something."

She smiled at a him sadly and pulled him into another tight hug. "I mean it, Reid, if you ever need anything, you better call me, because so help me, if I find out you didn't…" She let the thought trail off when Reid smiled for the first time that day and laughed. It wasn't his usual happy laugh or bright smile but it was a start. She kissed him lightly on the forehead and hurried off to her office, her mission momentarily complete. Now she just had to make sure that she kept an eye on her Junior G-man to make sure he was alright… at least, as ok as one would expect him to be after such a horrific experience.

Morgan watched the exchange with a small smile. He recalled Garcia doing almost exactly the same thing after they'd gotten back from Chicago and the truth about Carl Buford and his past had been revealed. Only, that time, Garcia had shown up at his apartment at eleven o'clock at night and wouldn't leave until she had been sure that he was alright.

He eyed Reid carefully after Garcia went to her office. He sat the tin of brownies on the corner of his desk without opening it and turned back to his paper work. Morgan sighed, knowing that if it had been any other time, Reid would not only have already pulled the lid off the tin, he would've been taunting Morgan with the food as well. Shaking his head, he turned back to his own paper work, wonder how long it would be before Reid was at least partially back to the geeky kid he knew.


	4. Helpless

**A/N: Okay, first, thanks to everyone who reviewed :) Also, sorry this sort of turned into a mini casefic here. didn't really mean for that to happen, but it did. I promise it won't be more than a couple more chapters before this case will be solved. I just sort of put it in here to show it's effect of Reid. **

**Also, the town they go to, Suwannee, is a real town in Florida near the Gulf. I've been there. I live not that far from there actually. It's a REALLY tiny town... but who am I to talk? I lived in Horseshoe Beach, and trust me when I say that it's even smaller than Suwannee is. I moved a couple of years ago to a slightly larger town in the same general area (woo-hoo, now I live in a town of about 5000 instead of a town of almost 100. No, I am not kidding...) anyway, now I'm rambling... **

**Please review! :)**

Ch. 4: Helpless

A few minutes after Prentiss returned to her desk, Hotch called everyone to the round table room, Jordan at his heels. As everyone took their seats, Agent Todd looked at Reid with almost the same look that the rest of the team had given him. Prentiss must've told her…

Pictures suddenly flashed across the monitor, three little boys lying face down in the leaves. "This is Tommy Galen, Brandon Miller and Cody Jordon. All three were murdered in the past month in Suwannee, Florida." Jordan explained slowly, clicking the remote in her hands. "All of them were missing for two days before their bodies were found dumped in the woods. They'd been sexually assaulted and stabbed."

Reid flinched, the words sounding eerily familiar to him. Riley Jenkins immediately flashed in his mind. Morgan glanced over at him, the movement not lost on him. "Are there any leads?" he asked, looking at the pictures with an anger burning in his eyes. Those boys were no more than six or seven years old… so small and helpless, and someone had taken away their innocent lives as if they were nothing.

Jordan shook her head, "None so far."

"Suwannee, Florida?" Prentiss asked, frowning. "I don't think I've ever heard of that…"

"It's a small town on the Suwannee River," Jordan explained. "They don't have a lot of resources, and their at a breaking point. State police have been called in, but they're not getting very far with the investigation."

"Small town," Rossi said, "That's going to mess with victimology."

"I know," Hotch said, looking down at the file. "Alright, everyone let's go. Wheels up in a half hour."

* * *

Reid sat apart from everyone else on the jet as they discussed the profile, the pictures of those helpless little boys flashing across his mind. _That could've been you…_ a bitter voice in the back of his head whispered.

Morgan suddenly sat down in front of him, startling him out of his thoughts. "You alright, kid?" he asked, looking at his friend's distant face.

"I'm fine," Reid lied, looking away from Morgan, out the window.

"Hey, c'mon, kid, I know this is bothering you. You don't have to deal with it alone. I told you this morning, I'm here for you."

Reid shrugged, "I just… don't really want to talk about it right now, Morgan." he said, still not looking at his friend. Morgan sighed and stood up, rejoining the rest of the team to finish discussing the profile of a pedophile.

* * *

The drive to the small town seemed to take hours, but by the time the smell of the salt water from the gulf that was not too far away reached them they were pulling up in front of the police station. Reid hadn't said a word since they'd gotten off of the plane.

A tall man in a pair of dark sunglasses with a gun on his belt met them at the small station. "You must be the BAU," he said, shaking Hotch's hand. His accent was thick and barely understandable.

"Agent Hotchner," Hotch introduced them. "These are Agents Todd, Prentiss, Rossi, Morgan and Dr. Reid." He said, motioning to the rest of the team.

The detective nodded, "I'm Detective Hollifeild," he said, "This way, we've got a small area set up for your team. It's not much, just a desk with a computer in a small meeting room, but it's the best we can offer."

Hotch waved off his apologies and they headed into the cramped station, looking around the small town carefully, wondering if any of the people they saw stopping and staring at them on the streets could be their unsub…

Mere minutes after the team had re-gathered at the station after visiting victims' families and talking to the ME, Detective Hollifield's phone began to ring loudly. He answered it with a look of apprehension that became increasingly more worried as the conversation went on. "Ok, right. Of course, Sarah. We're going to find him, I swear."

He looked up at Hotch, panic in his eyes, "Another little boy just went missing." he said. "Andrew Hill. He's seven."

A collective intake of breath went through the room as the team realized that they now had forty-eight hours to find the boy before the unsub killed him. "Alright, we need to present your officers with the profile," Hotch said, the urgency in his voice nearly overwhelming.

* * *

"He's a local," Morgan told the officers, "You probably see him everyday and wouldn't suspect him of ever doing something like this."

"He's got a steady job, a decent home and drives a nice car," Prentiss added. "He's good with children, and may even have a job where he works around them… a local day care, pre-school teacher, sports coach…"

"He's between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-five," Hotch explained. "Probably of average build. He lives or works around these boys, and knew them personally. It's how he has been able to abduct them without anyone noticing."

The officers did not look happy about what they were hearing. "How can this guy be local?" one of them demanded. "We would know this guy if we saw him."

"No, you wouldn't," Morgan explained. "He hides it well. He's -"

"He's someone that these children trust," Reid interrupted him. "Parent's wouldn't think twice about leaving their children with him. He's become very good at deceiving people, and even his own family would have a hard time believing that he could do this."

The officers looked skeptical, shaking their heads. "I thought pedophiles were supposed to be… noticeable." one officer in the back of the room grumbled.

Detective Hollifield shot a venomous look in that direction, shaking his head. "Just the opposite," Rossi explained. "Unless they've been caught before, earlier in their lives before they worked their way up to molestation, pedophiles can be extremely adept at hiding their true self from the world."

Most of the officers still looked skeptical, but they nodded and followed Detective Hollifield's orders to begin canvassing the neighborhoods again, looking for the signs that the team had told them about.

Sighing, Reid sank down in a chair once the officers were gone and put his head in his hands. He felt sick. Closing his eyes he saw Andrew Hill's green eyes looking up at him lifelessly. They had to save this little boy. They had to.


	5. Little Boy Lost

**A/N: Thanks to every single person who reviewed and added this favorites or story alert :) I'm glad people are liking the story... **

**Alright, so this chapter is basically the end of the minicase fic, as I promised... but it's definately not the end of the story...**

**WARNING: same as previous chapters...**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :) ... pretty please?**

Ch. 5: Little Boy Lost

The officers and the rest of the team returned to the station with one name repeated in their minds. Jasper O'Steen. He was the coach of the town's youth soccer team that the first victim, Tommy Galen, had been on. He lived next door to Cody Jordon and had been friends with Brandon Miller and Andrew Hill's parents since high school. He was also the head of the local day care center.

"Our unsub is Jasper O'Steen." Morgan said, shaking his head as the facts began to fall into place.

"That's impossible," Detective Hollifield said, shaking his head. "I played football with the man in high school. He's been over to my house for barbeques all the time. He's never acted strange around my son." he declared, unwilling to believe that the man could be a child murderer.

"No it's not," Reid said. He had been very quiet for most of the case, only speaking that one time during the profile briefing, so his words caught the Detective off guard. "We told you, he would be very good a hiding what he is, and parents wouldn't hesitate to leave their children with him."

Detective Hollifield shook his head, "But I've know him my whole life…" he said, a pained look on his face. Jasper was one of his friends. How could he be responsible for these boys' deaths… still, was he willing to be wrong about this? To risk losing another child to the monster in his town?

"That's the point," Reid continued. "He fits right in with everyone else. The fact that you've known him so long only makes it easier for him to get access to children without question or suspicion."

Detective Hollifield sighed, nodding slowly. "Alright." he said. "I get it. I'll take you to his house…"

* * *

Jasper O'Steen's home was a decent size, his new model ford sitting in the driveway. Morgan, Reid and Hotch approached the door slowly. Prentiss, Rossi and JJ were behind Detective Hollifield and one of his officers.

Morgan pounded on the door, "Mr. O'Steen!" he called. "Mr. O'Steen, open up! Mr. O'Steen!" There was no response from behind the door, but shuffling noises could be heard inside the house.

Without wasting a second, Morgan took a step back and kicked the door open, splintered the door frame. The living room was empty as they entered, guns drawn, and slowly eased their way into the house.

They found Jasper upstairs in the back bedroom, holding a knife to a little boy's throat. Andrew Hill… He was shaking horrifically, tears streaming from his wide green eyes. All Reid could see was the little boy, not the angry man behind him with the knife… just the scared little boy who wanted this nightmare to be over. For a second, he saw a younger version of himself and his thoughts wandered back to what could've been…

Morgan eyes flashed between the unsub and Andrew, his thoughts bitter. This bastard had killed three children and taken away their innocence… He wasn't about to let it happen to a fourth. He heard Hotch trying to negotiate with the man, but he was more concerned about Reid than he was Jasper O'Steen. He could see sweat forming on Reid's brow and the look on his face told him that Reid's mind was racing, and from the fear and anger in his eyes, it wasn't racing to any place good…

"Mr. O'Steen, put the knife down. It's over." Hotch said, not really bothering to hide his hatred for the man. "Killing Andrew will only make things worse for you."

Jasper's eyes darted between the agents in the room… "No, it's not over. I didn't do anything wrong… I … I love them!" he shouted, pressing the knife more firmly against Andrew's neck.

Reid's fingers tightened convulsively around the gun in his hands… those words sounded so familiar, so terribly familiar to him. He didn't see Jasper O'Steen standing there anymore, he saw his own father… a monster… a demon… he blinked, trying desperately to focus. Jasper O'Steen wasn't his father. He was just someone just as sick and twisted.

After a few minutes, it became clear that Jasper wasn't going to be talked down. He was determined to go down fighting… and to take Andrew Hill with him. They couldn't let that happen.

They watched, helplessly, as the knife got closer to the boy's throat and a trickle of blood began to drip down his neck. Jasper pressed the knife tighter, panic clear in his eyes. Reid stared at the man with utter disgust. He saw his intentions, they all did. He knew what was about to happen.

Morgan and Hotch moved shiftily to left and right, searching for a clear shot, but they didn't have one. Morgan glanced at Reid, at his panicky eyes, and saw that he had a clear shot of the man… _Take the shot, kid._ He thought desperately, praying that Reid could fight his inner demons enough to do what had to be done.

The knife was pressed harder against Andrew's throat. _NO!_ Reid's mind screamed. He wasn't about watch that little boy die. He searched desperately, for another option. There was only one. As the knife began its slow journey across Andrew's neck, Reid aimed his gun, realizing he was the only one with a clear shot of the bastard, and pulled the trigger.


	6. Old Habits

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews! :)**

**WARNING: Spoilers for "Memoriam", "Profiler, Profiled" and in this chapter... spoilers for "Revelations" and teensy spoilers for "Jones" mentions of child molestion and previous drug use**

**please review!**

Ch. 6: Old Habits

Jasper O'Steen's body was wheeled out of the house on a gurney, the body bag zipped all the way around. Andrew Hill's parents, both teary eyed and smiling, held the little boy's hand while paramedics examined him. His wide eyes were distant and tear tracks marred his face, but according the doctors, he hadn't been sexually assaulted.

The agents took some solace in that. They had saved a little boy's life. It was something to be proud of. To smile about. So why the hell did Reid look so lost? Morgan wondered, staring at the young man. He knew what was bothering him, he'd been through almost exactly the same thing. And as much as he wanted to be there for Reid, he had a feeling he wasn't going to let anyone in for a while.

* * *

The flight home always seemed to go so much faster in Reid's mind. He sat apart from the rest of the team again, still trapped in thought. He wasn't doubting his actions in the field; he'd done exactly what Morgan, Hotch or anyone else would've done. He'd stopped Jasper O'Steen from killing another innocent child.

He was thinking about the eerie similarities between what O'Steen had done and what his father had done to Riley Jenkins… He had been a profiler for years, he knew that there were always more monsters out there than what they could stop. Until now, it had always seemed to be enough that they stopped the ones they did. Now, however, it simply wasn't. He couldn't stand the thought of more children out there suffering the same way he had. The same way those little boys Jasper O'Steen had killed had… the same way Riley had. The same way Morgan had.

He felt a new, burning hatred for those kind of people beginning to form inside of him. He'd always hated people who took advantage of children, but now it was more than that. It was… personal. He not only knew what those kids were going through, but he understood. He felt what they had felt, knew the agony and humiliation and self loathing that it put on them. And he never wanted that to happen to another child, ever again.

Logically, he knew that he couldn't stop all the pedophiles out there, but he wanted to. He desperately wanted to make them all suffer for their inhuman crimes… He sighed, leaning his head against the window as memories began to flood his mind again.

Memories he was still desperately trying to force to the back of his mind. He wasn't sure how much longer he could take the anger and fear before it broke him… He just wanted it to go away. He wanted to forget.

* * *

Morgan watched Reid as they returned to the office to finish paperwork and whatever else needed to be done… He was distant and trapped in his head, not saying much. He knew it was going to take time for Reid to be himself again, but he hated seeing his friend like this. Seeing him so… broken.

He remained silent, reading through his paperwork faster than Morgan and Prentiss were, but Morgan sensed something… off about him. Besides just seeming as lost and sad as he had earlier, Reid seemed nervous somehow. Agitated. Something else was bothering him.

"Hey, Reid," Morgan said, pulling his jacket on, preparing to leave. "You wanna grab a drink with me?"

Reid shrugged, not responding.

"Reid?" Morgan asked, looking down at him worriedly.

"No thanks, Morgan." he finally answered. "I'm not really in the mood, you know?"

Morgan sighed, "You wanna talk about it?"

Reid shook his head and grabbed his bag off the floor, "Not really. I'm fine. I just don't want to talk right now, ok?" He didn't look back as he rushed out of the office.

Prentiss watched him go with a sad look in her eyes, "Do you think he'll be alright?" she asked. "I haven't seen him this upset in a long time."

"I don't know." Morgan answered. "He's still trying to understand what happened… it'll be a while before he's the same."

* * *

Reid threw his bag down on the couch and began a frantic search of his home. _There has to be some here somewhere,_ he thought desperately, digging through his medicine cabinet. _Too obvious… _

Finally, after nearly a half hour of searching, he found a small vial buried in the cushions of the couch… He'd thrown out every other bottle. This one must've been left behind from the last time he'd used…

He sat back on the sofa, staring down at the vial, mind racing. He couldn't get the images out of his head. It was going to drive him insane. The pain, the fear, the anger… he couldn't deal with all of those emotions.

He thought back to the first time he'd used Dilaudid. Well, willingly, at least. He never considered any of the times Tobias had injected the drug into his veins to be his fault. But every time after, he knew he was the only one to blame.

When he would have nightmares about the torture he'd been forced to endure at the hands of the alter personality of Tobias's father, he would escape the only way he knew how. When he woke up in a cold sweat, remembering the blank stare in Tobias's eyes after he'd shot him, he turned to Dilaudid.

But it had been so long since he'd needed that… since he would allow himself to inject the poison into his system. He was amazed he still had any in the house at all… Still, the memories were so clear in his mind. He couldn't stand it.

Doing this, he knew, would make him forget all of that. Momentarily. He thought back to the case in New Orleans, when he'd ran into his friend Ethan. After only minutes, Ethan had known something wasn't right with him. He remembered what he had told him that day, _"It might help you forget, but it won't make it go away."_

He was right, of course. He knew that. It would never erase what his father had done to him, he would eventually have to remember… but then, couldn't he just forget this one time? Would that really be such a bad idea? Tobias's voice was the one he heard now, reassuringly whispering _"It helps."_

It did help… didn't it? Reid frowned at the vial in his hands, hating himself. He'd promised himself he would never do this again. He was stronger than the needle… Still, forgetting sounded so good at the moment. It was so tempting to get the syringe from his medicine cabinet and…

No. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Right? His hands started to shake. He so badly wanted to make it all just disappear. He was so tired of trying to fight the memories. Maybe just one more time wouldn't hurt. He was lying to himself and he knew it, but the idea of forgetting, of escaping from all of the painful memories was so tempting…

The vial in his hands shook violently as his mind raced, considering the options.


	7. Someone To Lean On

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, added this to favorites or story alert. I love you all! :)**

**WARNING: Spoilers for "Memoriam" "Profiler, Profiled" and "Revelations" also semi/nongraphic mentions of child molestation**

**please review!**

Ch 7: Someone To Lean On

Morgan sat in the bar, beer in hand, thinking about Reid's hurried exit, knowing what he was going through and desperately wanting to help him through it. But he knew Reid was too stubborn to let anyone in right now. He would do what he always did in emotional situations: close in on himself.

He frowned, glaring down at the glass in his hand as if should somehow give him all the answers he wanted. Finally, he stood up angrily. Reid could be as stubborn as he wanted, he knew he needed a friend right now and whether or not he liked it, he was going to get one.

* * *

The lights were still on in Reid's house when Morgan pulled into the driveway. He probably couldn't sleep… Morgan frowned. He turned the car off and sat there for a few minutes, wondering what the hell he was thinking. If Reid hadn't wanted to talk at the office, why would he want to talk now?

He wouldn't. Morgan knew that. Which is exactly why he was there. It didn't matter whether or not Reid _wanted _an annoying friend who wasn't going to sit and watch him slowly break down, he had one and he wasn't going to get rid of him so easily.

He walked up the driveway, with a determined look on his face and banged on the door a few times. He didn't get an answer at first, and knocked a few more times. Then he heard shuffling noises and someone - Reid - yelling "I'm coming, damn it!"

He frowned. He'd known Reid a long time and rarely heard him swear… What was going on?

* * *

Reid was in the bathroom, digging in the back of his medicine cabinet. _Finally!_ he thought, as his fingers curled around the syringe. He carried it back to the living room, where he'd left the vial sitting on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, taking a deep breath. He really was about to do this again, wasn't he?

He stared down at the needle in his hands, wondering if he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life all over again. But he desperately needed to get the memories out of his head, at least for a little while.

Then he'd heard someone pull up outside the house. He waited a moment, wondering who it was. After a few minutes, he heard someone banging on his front door. He scowled. Who could that be so late at night? He didn't care. He sat there, hoping that if he ignored whoever it was, they'd go away.

Then they knocked again and his scowl deepened. He put the needle back on the table next to vial and yelled, "I'm coming, damn it!" He didn't care who it was, he was incredibly angry. He was going to make sure they knew that before he told them to go away and slammed the door in their face. They wouldn't come knocking on his door this late at - "Morgan?" he frowned, confused. What was Morgan doing here?

Morgan shouldered his way into the house before Reid could stop him. "What are you doing here?" Reid asked, trying to catch up to Morgan as he headed for the living room… the vial was still on the table. _Damn._

"I thought you might need someone to talk to," Morgan finally answered him, almost in the room.

"I'm fine, Morgan." Reid told him, desperately trying to weave his way around the older man to get into the living room and hide the syringe and bottle of Dilaudid before Morgan saw them.

"You don't sound fine, kid." Morgan said. "And you look like hell. I know what this is doing to you. Just talk to me, please?"

He had entered the living room now and his eyes fell on the items on the coffee table. Morgan felt the blood freeze in his veins. He knew that Reid had had a problem with drugs before. A small one, as far as he was concerned. But he'd thought that was over years ago… "Reid, what's this?" he asked, looking into his friend's eyes worriedly.

Reid bit his lip, looking away. "I -"

"You're not using again are you? Reid, you can't be that stupid." Morgan demanded, not sure whether or not he was more angry or scared at the moment. Reid was a genius. He was supposed to be smarter than this.

"No… I mean… I just…" Reid stuttered, not sure what to say. He knew exactly what he'd been about to do, and he knew that Morgan was right. It was stupid. But he wanted to forget so badly…

"You just what?" Morgan asked. "Reid?"

"I just want to forget, Morgan. I keep seeing it all in my mind, I can't make the memories go away and I want to forget. And then, with that last case, those little boys… It's not fair. I can see their eyes whenever I close mine, and I know how scared they must've been, how confused. I only wanted to forget. I didn't use any yet, I was just… thinking about it."

Morgan looked back down at the vial and the syringe. "It looks like you were doing more than just thinking about it, kid. It's look like you were going to, until I showed up."

Reid looked away from Morgan's stare, tears threatening to overwhelm him. He hated himself enough already for just thinking about using again, and now Morgan was there and he knew and … what must he think about him now? That he was weak and stupid. That he shouldn't be in bureau any more…

Morgan bent and picked up the syringe and bottle, glaring down at them. Silently, he cursed Tobias for doing this to him… but he didn't say anything aloud. He had the feeling Reid didn't blame Tobias for any of this. "I don't even want this to be an option for you, from now on, Reid, understand?" He looked at Reid, trying to get him to look him in the eyes.

Reid felt tears of guilt and shame burning his eyes as he nodded slowly. He watched as Morgan tossed the items into the trash can, holding back a protest. He kept repeating to himself that Morgan was right and he didn't need those, but he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to fight it…

Morgan sat down on the couch and motioned for Reid to do the same. Instead, Reid sat across from him in an old chair, not wanting to be that close to anyone at the moment. Morgan sighed and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. "Reid, listen to me, you do not need those, alright? If you need help with something, with anything, call me. Call Garcia, call JJ. Just call someone. Don't ever think you have to turn to drugs to help you."

"I just wanted to forget, just one more time." Reid almost whispered. "I'm sorry."

Morgan shook his head, "It's not your fault, kid. I understand wanting to forget. I've wanted to forget what happened to me when I was a kid my entire life, but trust me, the drugs won't help you. No matter what you do, it won't change what happened. I told you in Vegas, the only thing you can do is try to put this behind you. Don't let it break you, let it make you a better person."

"How is this supposed to make me a better person?" Reid demanded, still teary eyed.

Morgan sighed, "Let it make you more dedicated to you job, Reid. Use the anger and the hurt to help you empathize, to want even more than you already do to take down the bad guys and stop the monsters before they hurt someone else."

Slowly, Reid nodded, knowing Morgan was right. But he still wanted to make the memories go away. "How long will it be before I can close my eyes and _not _see it?" he asked, finally looking Morgan in the eyes.

The pain and hurt and fear in Reid's wide brown eyes almost broke Morgan's heart. At that moment, he wanted to beat William Reid to death for what he had done to him. "I don't know," he said slowly. "Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can still see it. But I refuse to let him get to me, Reid. And you shouldn't let your dad have that hold over you. If you let him break you like that, he wins."

Reid looked away again, taking a deep breath. He didn't want his father to win… he couldn't let that happen. He thought about he'd been about to do. He almost turned his life upside again because of his father. He couldn't let his father hurt him again. No matter what it took, he had to get through this, if only for the satisfaction of knowing that his father hadn't beaten him.

"Are you gonna be okay for the night?" Morgan asked, looking at his friend worriedly.

"I don't know," Reid answered slowly, still fighting back tears.

"Then I'm staying." Morgan announced. "And don't try to talk me out of it. Just get me a few blankets and I'll crash on the couch."

Reid smiled slowly, and nodded. He'd never admit it, but the idea of Morgan staying somehow made him feel safer. He knew that people like his father would definitely think twice about crossing Morgan…

* * *

**E/N: To all of you who worried: I could never and will never make Reid turn back to drugs. It was bad enough the first time, watching "Revelations" at the end and screaming "No! Reid! Don't take the drugs!" I couldn't do that to him again...**

**strange... I can't do that but I can make his dad a pedophile, give him a psychotic stalker and have a sadistic unsub kidnap him (I've done all of this in previous stories, in case you're wondering...) Oh well, I guess it's just one of those things that was far too sad and terrible for me to ever put him through it again.**

**anyway, hope you're all enjoying the story so far! :) please review!**


	8. Nightmares

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the wonderful comments and reviews :) I'm glad you're all liking the story**

**WARNING: Spoilers for "Memoriam" "Profiler, Profiled" and "Revelations" also mentions of child molestation that are more semigraphic than nongraphic in the chapter.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

Ch. 8: Nightmares

Morgan watched as Reid closed the door to his bedroom to finally get some sleep. It was after midnight and they'd stayed up watching a documentary for the past hour and a half. It had been boring as hell, but as long as it helped keep Reid's mind off the past, he didn't care.

He leaned back against the pillows Reid had given him and stared at the ceiling for a moment, still trying to process the shock the of finding drugs on Reid's coffee table. What hell had he been thinking? He knew the answer, of course. He understood wanting to forget those memories. But he wasn't about to let Reid go down that road again.

He thought back to the bottle he'd tossed in the trash can and wondered if there were more drugs in the house… he doubted it. The bottle hadn't been very full. It was probably a remnant of his earlier drug use. Still…

Morgan pushed the blanket off of himself and reached into the trash can, pulling the small vial back out and staring at it, wondering how Reid had ever let the poison take over his life the way it had. Then he decided that it didn't matter. He wasn't going to let it happen again.

Standing, he went into the kitchen and pulled the cap off of the bottle. He approached the sink and dumped the contents down the drain, making sure that there was no way Reid could even consider using them again. He tossed the now empty bottle back in the trash can and prayed that there weren't any more hidden around the house.

Feeling slightly better now that he was sure Reid wouldn't be using any time soon, Morgan settled back onto the couch and pulled the blanket back over himself, falling asleep quickly.

* * *

Reid buried his head into his pillow and finally drifted off into a fitful sleep, images playing across his mind… terrible images of a past he wished he hadn't remembered… As his sleep deepened, his eyes moving rapidly beneath his eyelids, his breathing hitched and he began thrashing in the bed, mumbling to himself.

_Hands running down his back… touching him gently… it felt so wrong… why was this happening? Warm breath in his ear, whispering "It's alright, Spencer… just be still. It's ok. I'm not going to hurt you." His father. He was lying… he was hurting him. He was smart enough, even as a young child, to know just how wrong this was._

_He squirmed under his father's touch, but he wasn't nearly as strong as his father was… "Please, stop…" he begged him, tears leaking out of his eyes. He didn't want this to be happening. He wanted his dad to stop touching him. It made him feel so wrong…_

"_Shh…" his father whispered, "It's ok. Be quiet, Spencer. You're going to wake your mother." He closed his eyes then, knowing it was no use. No matter what he did, his father wouldn't stop. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he whimpered quietly, waiting for it to be over…_

* * *

Morgan jumped, startled awake and looked around the dark room. It took him a moment to remember where he was, and another to realize what had woken him up. He could hear Reid muttering in his sleep, "Please… stop… please…" He felt a pit form in his stomach. He knew exactly what Reid must be dreaming about.

He looked at the door to the bedroom wondering if he should go and wake him up or not. He couldn't just sit there and listen to his friend begging his father to stop… He threw back the blanket and pulled himself off the couch, glancing at the clock on the mantle. 4:19 a.m.

Sighing, he knocked gently on the door before entering, hoping that the noise would be enough to wake his friend up. It wasn't. He could hear Reid struggling and thrashing around in bed now. He pushed the door open and turned the light on, seeing Reid lying on the bed, knees pulled up to his chest as he tossed and turned on the bed. His face was screwed up in an image of fear and disgust.

"Reid," Morgan whispered, approaching the bed cautiously, "Reid, wake up." he said, a little louder this time. His only response was Reid murmuring, "Please, daddy, don't…" Closing his eyes, Morgan reached out and shook Reid's shoulder, "C'mon, kid, wake up!" he ordered. "It's just a nightmare…" He shook him again, more roughly. "Reid!" He yelled that time, worry etched on his face.

Reid's eyes snapped open, and he lashed out suddenly, one of his hand's latching onto Morgan's wrist; the other, tightened into a fist, flew at his face. Morgan used his free hand to catch Reid's arm before he actually did any damage. "Reid, calm down, it's me. It's Morgan."

Reid blinked a few times, breathing rapidly. "Morgan?" he asked, looking confused. "What are you doing here?"

Morgan laughed, letting go of Reid's wrist and leaning against the wall. "I'm sleeping on the couch, remember?"

After a minute, Reid nodded slowly, "Oh, yeah." he said. "Sorry… I didn't … I mean…" he remembered the nightmare he'd had and realized that he must've woken Morgan up. Again. How many times was Morgan going to see him lose his mind about a stupid nightmare?

"It's alright, kid." Morgan assured him. "Are you ok?" He looked at him worriedly now, knowing the answer to the question and also knowing that Reid would lie.

"I'm fine." Reid said, pulling himself into a sitting position on the bed and scrubbing the remnant of tears from his eyes. Had he been crying in his sleep? That was the last thing he needed: for Morgan to see him crying.

"No you're not, kid. And since I'm not going anywhere for a while, you might as well tell me. You know I'm only going to annoy you until I get the truth." Morgan said, pulling the chair from the computer desk out and sitting down, staring intently at his friend.

Reid sighed and looked away from Morgan, "It was just a nightmare," he said slowly. "I've had nightmares before, Morgan."

"Yeah, I know. We've all had nightmares, kid. But you were in here screaming and thrashing around… If you want to talk about it, I'm right here."

Reid frowned, pulling the blanket tighter around himself, still trying banish the lingering feel of his father's hands… touching him. Taking a deep breath, he look back at Morgan. "It was about my dad." he said quietly.

Morgan nodded, already knowing that. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked again, hating the sad, lost look in Reid's eyes.

"I - I can still feel him… touching me. I can't get the pictures out of my head. And every time I close my eyes, even if I'm not asleep, it's like I'm there again, like I'm a little kid again and there isn't anyone who can stop him and no matter what I do, it keeps happening because he's so much stronger than I am… My mom, she didn't even realize, not a first… and then he was gone and I was alone, and I had to take care of my mom. I couldn't think about all those memories, so my mind erased them… I wish I had never gone to that therapist's office now. But, if I hadn't we never would've found Riley Jenkins's murderer… But now, I - I can feel it and hear it and see it happening all over again, constantly." The words came out in a rapid rush, almost stumbling over themselves in an effort to keep up. Tears were slowly falling down his face, but he didn't seem to notice. He looked like a scared, lost little boy.

Morgan closed his eyes, "I know what that's like, kid." he said quietly. "I wish I could say that the fear and anger goes away, but it doesn't. You learn to deal with it, to ignore it. And it helps if you have friends who understand. I always thought that I was alone… that no one would understand what I was going through." His voice was tight and he could feel tears burning his eyes, but he had to be strong right now. For Reid.

"You're not alone, Reid. It took me a long time to realize that. So long that I almost let it ruin my entire life and kept it from the only people who could possibly help me… Don't make that mistake, kid. I am here for you. The whole team is. You don't have to go through this alone."

Reid nodded, wiping the tears from his face. He knew how painful it was for Morgan to talk about his past… and he was immensely grateful that he trusted him enough to let him see the fear and pain on his face. "I know." he said quietly. "Thank you, Morgan."

Morgan smiled sadly at him, "You don't have to thank me, kid. I'm just doing what any good friend would do." He stood up, and pushed the chair back under the desk. "Now maybe we should get some sleep, huh? It's almost four thirty in the morning."

Reid glanced at the clock on his bedside table, surprised. "Yeah. Sorry I woke you…"

Morgan waved off his apology. "Not a problem, Reid." he said, turning the light out as he left. "Just get some sleep."

Reid smiled as he settled back down in bed. He was embarrassed that once again Morgan had seen him break down, but he felt better knowing that there were people who cared about him. Who would be there to catch him when he stumbled. Closing his eyes, his breathing slowed and he drifted back to sleep. This time, it was a dreamless sleep.


	9. Happy UnBirthday

**A/N: Okay, that last chapter (and pretty much every chapter before) was pretty emotional and I cried when I wrote it because, as I said when I started writing "The Eyes of a Monster", this story hurts my heart to write... **

**Anyway, I figured maybe Reid could do with some happiness for once... so here's a more light-hearted chapter to ease up on all the teary sad stuff... I mean, c'mon, the team had to do SOMETHING to make Reid feel better. (plus I just watched _Alice In Wonderland_ and couldn't resist writing this...)**

**WARNING: um, ok, I just said this chapter will not be as "serious" as the others have been, so not really much to warn you about... other than the obvious... minor mentions of child molestation and maybe some spoilers for "Memoriam" and "Profiler, Profiled" in this chapter... not really sure...**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

Ch. 9: Happy _Un-_Birthday

Morgan woke up before Reid and folded the blanket he'd used carefully, laying it on top of the pillow. He was thankful that he'd left his go-bag in his car and hurried to grab a fresh set of clothes from it. Before he could get in the shower, however, his phone rang.

"Hey Baby Girl, what's up?" he asked, searching through the cabinet in the spare bathroom until he found a towel.

"Well… I spent most of the night crying." She said. "But, then, as a result of boredom and grief, I was watching a movie and inspiration struck."

Morgan frowned, "Inspiration for what?"

"Have you ever seen _Alice In Wonderland_?" Garcia asked. "The old cartoon version, I mean. Not the new one with Jonny Depp…"

Morgan laughed. Of course that would be how Garcia differentiated between the two movies. "No," he said. "I never watched many Disney movies. Other than _Hercules_ or _Peter Pan."_

Garcia snorted, "Of course you'd watch those Disney movies…" she muttered. "Well, anyway, since I couldn't sleep, I watched _Alice In Wonderland_ and had an amazing idea…" Morgan listened intently as she talked, a grin spreading across his face.

"Garcia, you are a genius." then he paused, "But what if he doesn't like that idea?"

"Well, who cares?" she snapped. "I spent all night getting everything ready. Now you just call Reid and make sure that he doesn't show up before I have it all set up in the office."

"Well, actually, I'm at his house right now." Morgan informed her.

"What? What are you doing there?"

"I thought he could use someone to talk to. I was right. I'll tell you about it later. Don't worry. I won't let him leave here any time soon."

"You better not, handsome, or I might have to hurt you."

Laughing, Morgan put his phone down on the sink and started the shower, smiling the first genuine smile he'd smiled in what felt like an eternity.

* * *

Reid woke up groggily, blinking to clear the blurriness from his eyes before sitting up and frowning. Was that the shower? Then he remembered that Morgan had stayed on the couch the night before and pushed the blanket back, stumbling his way into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

By the time the coffee was finished, Morgan was out of the shower. "Hey, Pretty Boy," he said, "Sleep any better?"

He nodded slowly, holding a coffee cup in his hands. "Yeah. … Thanks, again, Morgan. For… for staying. It helped."

Morgan smiled at him, seeming to be in a much better mood than he'd been in the night before. "I told you, kid. It's what friends are for."

Reid shrugged and glanced at the clock on the stove. "We're gonna be late…" he said, putting the cup down on the counter.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure Hotch won't hold it against you." Morgan assured him, pouring his own cup of coffee. "Just go take a shower and I'll find something to eat."

"There's not enough time…" Reid said.

"Fine. Skip breakfast, just go take a shower, kid."

Reid frowned and headed toward his room, wondering why Morgan was so much happier this morning. Something was going on, he just didn't know what.

* * *

As soon as he heard the shower start in the bathroom, Morgan grabbed a chair from the kitchen table and shoved it under the door knob, effectively locking Reid in the bathroom. Then he picked up his phone and called Jordan.

"Hello?" she answered, sounding tired.

"You sound like you didn't get any sleep…" Morgan said. "You're not gonna be late are you SSA Todd?"

He could hear her scowl, "No I am not. I'm on my way right now, Agent Morgan. I just… had trouble sleeping. I kept seeing those dead little boys…" she trailed off.

Morgan sighed, "I know." he said. "It's always tough, the first case with children. But we saved Andrew Hill."

"Dr. Reid saved Andrew Hill," Jordan corrected him. There was a slight change in her tone when she mentioned Reid's name. Morgan had almost forgotten that Prentiss had told her about what they'd found out in Vegas.

"Yeah, he did. It was… it was a tough case for him though. Which is why Garcia had an idea, and she told me to call you to let you know." He quickly explained Garcia's idea to her while she listened.

"Do you really think he'd like that?" Jordan asked. She didn't know Reid very well, but he didn't seem like the kind of person who enjoyed attention.

Morgan shrugged, "Probably not. But he's been subjected to Garcia's sympathy enough times that he just sort of goes with it. Plus, he'll at least appreciate the gesture and it'll take his mind off things…"

"Alright, well, thanks for letting me know." Jordan said. She had noticed, in her short time with the BAU, that they were close. Closer than most families. She was happy that they seemed to already want to include her in something like this, and she wasn't about to complain. "I'm in traffic," she said. "I'll see you when you get here."

He could hear the shower turning off now and he sat down on the couch, turning the channel to something less boring. Garcia had said she'd call when they were ready…

A few minutes later he heard Reid trying to open the door. "Morgan!" he yelled. "The door's stuck!"

Morgan just smiled and ignored him, turning the volume up on the TV. "Open the door, Morgan!" Reid yelled. "Morgan!"

* * *

Reid sighed and slumped back against the sink, scowling. He knew Morgan could hear him yelling. He also knew that he was purposefully ignoring him. He could hear the TV on in the living room. He could also hear the volume going up every time he yelled.

Defeated, he sat there, glaring at his hands. What the hell was going on? He didn't have to wait too much longer to find out. After a few more minutes sitting on the floor, he heard the TV turn off and Morgan was talking to someone. He couldn't make out any of the words, but once he had finished talking, there was a scraping noise outside of the bathroom and the door was finally opened.

"What are you doing on the floor kid?" Morgan asked, smiling lopsidedly at him.

He glared up at him as he pushed himself onto his feet. "Thinking of all the different ways to kill you without getting caught." he muttered, pushing past him and hurrying back into his bedroom to grab his shoes and messenger bag. "Why did you lock me in the bathroom?" he asked over his shoulder.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Morgan said innocently. "I didn't lock you in the bathroom."

"Then why didn't you open the door when I told you it was stuck?" Reid demanded angrily.

"I didn't hear you. The TV was too loud." Morgan answered.

"Uh huh, sure." Reid muttered, searching for his keys… he was sure he'd left them on the coffee table the night before. "Where are my keys?" he asked, turning to Morgan.

He shrugged, "How am I supposed to know where you put your keys?"

Reid narrowed his eyes, "They were right here." he said. "I know I left them here."

"Well, why don't I drive you to work this morning and you can take the train back tonight." Morgan suggested.

Reid glared at his friend suspiciously, but since he didn't really have any better options at the moment, he muttered, "Fine." and followed Morgan out to his car.

* * *

They were almost thirty minutes late when Morgan finally pulled into the parking lot that morning. Reid was in an increasingly bad mood, and Morgan only seemed to be getting happier the closer to the office they got. What the hell was he so happy about?

As they stepped off the elevator and into the BAU bullpen, it all began to make sense to him though. His desk was surrounded. Garcia, Hotch, Rossi, Prentiss and Jordan all stood around it smiling. Other agents in the office were laughing and talking, making the bullpen's usually busy, bustled mood more lighthearted and happy.

All the folders on his desk had been cleared away, probably dumped on Morgan and Prentiss's desks, and a large chocolate cake sat there instead. Someone, Garcia he suspected, had tied two bright balloon to the corners of his desk and a stack of paper plates and plastic cups and forks sat beside the cake.

He tried to hang back, away from all the attention, but Morgan grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the desk, forcing him into the chair. "Is this why you locked me in the bathroom?" he demanded, looking up at his friend.

"You locked him in a bathroom?" Garcia asked, her eyes sparkling with interest. "Never mind… Reid, I couldn't stand the thought of you being so sad and lost, so … Happy Un-Birthday," she chimed, waving a hand dramatically in the direction of the cake.

Reid frowned, "Birthday?" he asked, looking up at her. "It's not my birthday."

Garcia rolled her eyes, "No duh, genius. That's why this is an _un-_birthday party."

"A what?" he asked, still looking confused.

She sighed, "Don't you people ever watch cartoons?" she demanded. "Don't worry about it. Just eat the cake and be happy. I'll explain to you the importance of Disney later."

He laughed and moved to the side so that she could cut the cake and pass around pieces to everyone. For the first time in several days, he felt like he could focus on something _other_ than his father.

Just as he was finishing his second slice of cake, a mail deliverer approached the group, "Uh, I'm looking for a Dr. Spencer Reid." he said, reading the name off of an envelope.

Reid looked up, curious. "That's me."

"This letter came for you, sir." he said, passing the letter into Reid's waiting hands.

Reid frowned, staring down at it. The postmark was from Las Vegas, and it wasn't a letter from his mother's sanitarium. It was from a prison. It was from his father.


	10. A Condenmed Man

**A/N: thanks for all the great reviews. this is the last chapter. i had to update 2 chapters today b/c i wasn't sure if i could get the computer anytime soon... im going to georgia for a few days.**

**please review!**

**WARNING: same as always**

**THANKS FOR STICKING WITH THE STORY :) I love you all!**

**... pleez review!**

Ch. 10: A Condemned Man

Reid stared down at the envelope with shaky hands. Why was his father writing to him? And why now, of all times? He was just getting to the point where he could put the memories a little farther back in his mind, and now they were all rushing forward again.

"What is it, Reid?" Morgan asked, leaning forward to see the letter. The second Reid had glanced down at it, all the blood had drained from his face. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

Seeing the postmark, he realized that Reid probably had seen a ghost… of his father and the things that he had done to him. "Reid," he spoke more gently now, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You alright?"

Reid swallowed and looked up at his friends. They were all looking at him worriedly again. He hated that look. It made him feel so weak and defenseless. He nodded slowly, "Yeah… I'm fine," he said quietly.

"What's wrong?" Hotch asked. Morgan was the only one, besides Reid, who had seen the return address on the envelope.

Reid tried to answer him, but his voice seemed to be caught in his throat. "It's from his father," Morgan said, noticing Reid's discomfort.

The looks of worry quickly turned into looks of pity and sympathy. That was worse, in Reid's opinion. He ignored them, not looking any of his team members in the eye as he turned back to the envelope in his hands and deftly tore it open, dumping a folded sheet of paper onto the desk.

Picking it up with shaky hands, he unfolded the paper and read the scrawled handwriting he remembered all too well.

"_Spencer,_

_I know you're probably surprised - shocked - by this letter. You're probably wondering what I could ever have to say that would be so important. After all, I abandoned you with your mother… I was never a father to you. And I have no right to ask you for anything, least of all your forgiveness._

_I just wanted to let you know that I am pleading guilty. I know that what I did, killing Riley, was wrong. I've been haunted by that guilt since the day that I did it. And I wanted to tell you, even though you probably won't care, that I'm grateful to you for everything that you did to prove the truth._

_I'm proud of you, for all that you've been able to accomplish, Spencer. I have no right to be proud of you, because I had nothing to do with who you are today. You made yourself who you are and I ran away like the coward I know I am._

_I said I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, and I don't. What I did to you was wrong. But I do love you Spencer. I always have. I'll never stop loving you. You're my son, no matter how much you hate me, no matter how terrible a father I was to you. I just wanted to say, though this hardly even begins to make up for the damage that I've done, I'm sorry._

_I know that I deserve to go to prison for all of the terrible things that I did. If… no, not if, I know I hurt you; I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Spencer. I never, ever meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Riley Jenkins either._

_I'm a condemned man. I know what happens to people like me in prison… I also know that I'll probably die in here. Which is why I wanted to let you know all of this. I never meant to hurt you. I love you. I'm proud of you. And, most of all, I'm sorry._

_Your father."_

Reid blinked back tears. He wasn't entirely sure if they were tears of anger or of pain, but he knew that they were not tears of sorrow or forgiveness. He could never, he would never, forgive his father for what he had done to him. He didn't have the streagnth to look his father in the eye without getting angry and scared; there was no way he could simply put all of those emotions aside.

Morgan, who had read the letter over his shoulder, was scowling. What his father had done was bad enough. Now he was going to bring all of those memories up again to apologize? As if that would somehow make it better? He had no right to do that. The only thing that Morgan was glad to hear in the letter was that Reid's father was pleading guilty. He would get what he deserved, that was for sure.

"Are you ok, Reid?" Morgan asked gently, looking at him with concern.

Reid just stared at the letter for a moment, so many different emotions raging through him. He wanted to scream, to cry, to just cease to exist… He wasn't sure which emotion was most powerful; they were all so strong, so overwhelming.

He thought back to the night before, to Morgan's words as he'd tossed the drugs in the trash, _"If you let him break you like that, he wins."_ If there was one thing Reid did not want, it was for his father to win. He wouldn't allow that to happen.

Staring down at the letter, his jaw set. He folded the letter back up, turned it on its side and began shredding it. Once it was in tiny pieces, he tossed it into the trash can next to his desk and looked up at Morgan. "I'm fine." he finally answered.

Morgan smiled at him and patted him on the shoulder. "Then let's get back to that un-birthday party."

It took the rest of the team a minutes to get back into the good mood they'd been in, but eventually, everyone was laughing and talking like they'd been doing before the letter from Reid's father had arrived.

It was like a weight had lifted off of Reid's shoulders. He felt more like himself than he had in days. He knew it was probably going to be a while before he was truly himself again, but as long as he had good friends behind him to make sure he was alright, he knew he would be fine.

END


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